30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 25

10 ways to win your heart.

1. Be cute. (that doesn't mean you have to be conventionally attractive)
2. Use proper spelling when typing or writing to me and proper pronunciation when talking to me.
3. Make me smile and laugh.
4. Don't give up on me.
5. Like reading books.
6. Be obsessed with at least one thing I'm equally obsessed with.
7. Be open minded.
8. Share things with me, be they emotional loads, secrets, or your dinner.
9. Be honest, no matter what.
10. Be there for me, especially when I'm at rock bottom.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 24

Things you want to say to 5 different people.

Mum: It's not your fault that I am the way I am, you haven't failed as a parent. You're amazing and wonderful and beautiful and I appreciate everything you do for me. I love you so much.

Ashleigh: You are my best friend, you are the reason I can manage hold myself together, you are the reason I've not given up on life completely. I couldn't imagine life without you. The only reason I put you down is because I'm jealous, you're the best little sister ever.

Andrew: I love you and I'm sorry, apart from my family you've been the only other constant in my life and I hope you never go away no matter how much my crush freaks you out. I don't understand how you could possibly still be single but I do hope you find the right one for you, even if that's not me. You are awesome and you're an amazing person.

Katelyn: I am so glad I have your friendship, I honestly don't know what I'd do without it. I used to be so vain before I met you, I was reluctant to befriend you because I used to care too much what others thought, but that was so insanely stupid because you are one of the best people I've ever met. You bring out the best in me and you accept the worst in me as well. I trust you wholly, which is something I don't do lightly. Not to mention of all the people in the highlands you are the only one who made an effort and kept in touch with me. Also, your birthday and Christmas cards are the best. Jerk <3 Bitch Supernatural Quoters Association for life.

And now that I'm up to the fifth one I cannot decide on one, I struggled to think of the first four and now my mind is swirling with possibilities for the fifth, I seriously can't decide so I'm going to leave it at the four, while making this note so you don't think I can't count.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 23

Something you always think “what if…” about

Aside from what if Peter Pettigrew hadn't escaped in The Prisoner of Azkaban?

There was this girl I fell in love with when I was 15, and the week before she found out I was in love with her she'd gotten a boyfriend. I still to this day think "what if I'd told her I wanted to be more than friends earlier?".

I also think "what if I had never gotten so fat?" and "what if I'd gotten my L's when I was 16?" I can't help thinking my life would be a thousand times better if I were thin and had my drivers P's when I was 17 instead of still being on my L's at 19.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 22

10 things about you people don’t really expect.

1- I have no friends.

2- I'm horribly depressed and somewhat suicidal.

3- I'm a virgin.

4- I still have a "secret diary"

5- I like girls more than I like boys.

6- I actually am quite girly.

7- I read vogue.

8- I really don't mind being approached.

9- I hate having big boobs.

10- I care.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 21

Something you can't seem to get over.

Everything haha.

Seriously though, everything that was wrong when I was 15 is still the same now, if not worse. I thought everything would magically go away when I turned 18 and became an adult, but here I am at 19 no more emotionally mature than I was back then. I thought that the depression and self harm and wanting to do anything to become thin was all a normal teenage thing that everyone went through, like a phase. That's what everybody says "It'll all get better" but it's not getting better, it's getting so much worse.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 20

The last argument you had.

Well I don't really argue with people on the internet, and that's where I get 99% of my conversation, so no doubt it was something trivial. I think it was with that friend I mentioned a few posts ago, I call him cute, because he is and also because he doesn't like it and I'm immature as all hell so I also do it to annoy him. He always protests and refuses to admit his cuteness. So that was most likely my last argument. Not that it really qualifies as an argument haha

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 19

Something that never fails to make you feel better.

There's really no fail safe thing, not one thing makes me feel better 100% of the time. Music makes me feel better a lot of the time, particularly Metallica and Bullet For My Valentine, but the success rate is probably somewhere around 60%. Shopping usually makes me feel better. They don't call it retail therapy for nothing, but often when I'm out I feel extremely self conscious after I've seen myself reflected in a shop window, and then there's the buyers remorse that can manifest afterwards. I'd say shoppings success rate is roughly 70%. The thing that makes me feel the best is to stay precisely in my comfort zone (my room, my bed) curled up with a good book, watching a movie or something else distracting, even better if my candles are lit or my fairy lights are on. Then just going to sleep, 9 times out of 10 I'll feel much better when I've woken up, that's a 90% success rate. Of course there's always those times I have an amazing and realistic dream and wake up feeling extremely disappointed and just as depressed as before I went to sleep. That sucks hard.

But really, the best thing for it is just to put on your mask, hope there's no cracks in it and just keep on pretending everything is A-Okay.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 18

Disrespecting parents.

Kids and teenagers that disrespect their parents deserve to have all their technology taken away and a smack with the wooden spoon for good measure. But then if the parents had raised their kids right the kids wouldn't disrespect them. It's a double edged sword really.

Good Parents=Good Kids

Bad Parents/Pushover/Doormat Parents=Disrespectful Kids

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 17

Things that make you scared.

Spiders

Nauseous people

Vomit 

Horror Movies (if they're done right) 

The future

My personal insignificance

That my loved ones will die one day

Having to go out in public '

Being late

Having to make phonecalls 

and above all, Falling in Love.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 16

3 things you are proud of about your personality

Well, I don't like myself very much at all...so this is going to be really hard...

I guess
1- I'm very honest, but other people tend not to like that.
2- I'm crazy loyal, but other people don't notice or give a shit about that.
3- I learn things pretty quickly, and I can spell :)

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 15

The best things to happen to you this week

A few good things happened this week. 

• I started to talk to a person who's been my friend since the bebo days for the first time in months, that was good for a couple of days.
• It was raining a lot so I had a valid excuse for staying in bed most of the day.
• I got to stay in bed most of the day watching skins.
• We had the movie channels on foxtel for free.
• There was one whole day where I didn't feel depressed.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 14

Something disgusting you do

I don't think I do anything disgusting. well, nothing that isn't something every other human does anyway. Farting,  pooping, picking my nose occasionally, sneezing with a mouthful of cereal...That's it really. 

Well of course I also masturbate a lot and fantasize about being bound and gagged and fucked...but that's natural too..

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 13

A date you would love to go on

Something a little unusual but still cute and romantic...Nothing like the trashy back row of the cinema dates I have had.

I'd really like a walk on the beach just after sunset, holding hands and such. Not that that is unusual. 

I really don't know, I like it when the other person takes control and I can just go along for the ride.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 12

Things you want to say to an ex

There's really not much I'd say to him, I'd more likely just shoot him the dirtiest look I could muster or just look straight through him if I ever saw him again that is. If I had to say anything it'd probably be something along the lines of "Have you come out to your family yet, you furfag?" 

I'd also like to ask him 

was it worth it?
did you ever even like me?

did you ever once mean it when you said you love me?

do you miss me at all?

do you even care that you hurt me so bad?

you know, the things that everyone who's been cheated on wants to ask.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 11

Your current relationship, If single discuss how single life is

My current relationship is single for over 2 years. Single life does not sit well with me, I mean it leaves me free to stew in my insecurities without annoying anyone but that's not exactly healthy. I don't like the single life, I'm not one of these girls who can dress all slutty and go out every weekend to find someone to fuck and fill the void until next weekend. I prefer having a connection to one person, I'm a hopeless romantic who likes to make a fuss of birthdays and celebrate anniversaries, but is just as likely to do something sweet just because its Wednesday. 

I can survive on crushes and daydreams, but only for so long, and I think I've reached that point now where I just can't do that anymore. The single life is wearing me down.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 10

Your views on drugs and alcohol

To each their own but personally I don't like them. The only drugs I use are painkillers, and I only take them when I have a really bad headache or my back hurts too much to just toughen up and deal with. I only drink occasionally and when I do drink I hardly ever have more than 2.

I don't mind it when people smoke some weed or have a drink every now and then like on weekends, special occasions or on footy nights if they're footy fans. But if you're using hard drugs or drink more than I would in a year everyday then that's a problem and you need to stop and/or get some help.
My views are formed from experience and I do practice what I preach now, I'm no hypocrite.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 9

Your last kiss

Well this is gonna be the shortest post ever.
My last kiss was so long ago I can't even remember it. I just know it was with my last boyfriend over 2 years ago.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 8

Something you're currently worrying about

Well I got on the scales and maxed them out so I'm definitely worried about that, I don't ever want to go out in public ever again. This has, in turn, made my anxiety levels about driving lessons and starting my tafe course go completely off the chart. I spent all day looking up diet plans and downloading exercise videos and I think my calorie counting obsession is going to come back. I miss school, it was so easy to not eat at school. That kind of thinking has me worried, but I'm more worried about how I look. It would be okay if I could lose weight in a healthy way but I've got too much of an addictive personality, I either eat everything or I eat as little as possible. I truly hate myself. 

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 7

Your opinion on cheating people

In my opinion cheating is the lowest of lows, it's the worst thing you can do to someone. Cheating people are cowardly dishonest scumbags to put it lightly. Plus the internet has created a whole new form of cheating, an even lower one. Though it's more emotional than physical it still hurts the other person just as bad, if not worse. 

My last relationship ended because I found out that he'd been cheating on me over the internet, with another guy no less. It's a long story and it was over 2 years ago so I'm not going to go into it but it hurt just as much as it would have if I'd found out he'd been having a physical relationship behind my back, if not more. It made me cry. I don't cry!

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 6

The person you like and why you like them

Well, this post is going to be possibly even worse than yesterdays because I don't like anyone. I don't like the fact that I don't like anyone but there's only so many times you can have your heart shat apon by those whom you choose to entrust it to before you start to guard it more carefully. It took me quite a while to realise this but now I have and although me not liking anyone is really weird for me and feels completely unnatural I think it's for the best, even though it means boring blog posts.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 5

5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex

Only 5, you've got to be kidding me.

How on Earth am I supposed to narrow the infinitely long list of reasons people annoy me to just 5 per gender? 

I can't do it, I just can't. 

I've been sitting here for ages trying to narrow it down but I just can't, My mind is reeling, I must go now, I'm skipping this one.

See you tomorrow.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 4

What you wear to bed.

Well, this is going to be a boring blog post lol.
I wear pyjamas to bed, In the colder months my pyjamas consist of long pants, track pants, big baggy jumpers or my onesie. In the warmer months (which I despise) its long pants and a singlet or shorts and a t-shirt or when its very hot just a t-shirt and undies.

That's it. Boring.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 3

What kind of person attracts you?

Honestly, at this point I can't be picky the only necessity left on my list is intelligence. That's probably why I'm still single in this day and age, especially given the caliber of people who live in the country haha. oh lord I'm a horrible person.

Really though, if someone shows the faintest amount of interest in me, that's all it takes to attract me. That's how starved for attention I am at the moment. 

Sad but true.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 2

How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I really haven't changed much at all these past 2 years. I moved to the place where I currently live almost 2 years ago, I'd planned on a whole new start and stuff but it didn't work out that way. I finished school making the same mistakes I'd made through my first attempt of year 12, I still have no friends. The past 2 years have been nothing but perpetual boredom and loneliness.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 1

Weird things you do when you’re alone.

I really don't do anything too weird when I'm alone, Mostly I use up all the internet downloading youtube videos (which is forbidden in my household) feel all naughty and stuff. I also like to watch bad TV and listen to good music bone shakingly loud and sing along completely out of tune, at the top of my lungs. 

Alternatively I'll sit and enjoy the silence by reading <3

Here we go again.

30 day blog challenge

Write a blog entry, one per day for 30 days on the following subjects:

1. Weird things you do when you’re alone.
2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?
3. What kind of person attracts you.
4. What you wear to bed.
5. 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.
6. The person you like and why you like them.
7. Your opinion on cheating on people.
8. Something you’re currently worrying about.
9. Your last kiss.
10. Your views on drugs and alcohol.
11. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
12. Things you want to say to an ex.
13. A date you would love to go on.
14. Something disgusting you do.
15. The best things to happen to you this week.
16. 3 things you are proud of about your personality.
17. Things that make you scared.
18. Disrespecting parents.
19. Something that never fails to make you feel better.
20. The last argument you had.
21. Something you can’t seem to get over.
22. 10 things about you people don’t really expect.
23. Something you always think “what if…” about
24. Things you want to say to 5 different people.
25. 10 ways to win your heart.
26. Your religious beliefs.
27. Talk about your siblings.
28. The month you were happiest this year why.
29. A picture of yourself.
30. What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month.

Back in Business

Finally, a decent update.
I am now in possession of a brand new laptop, and it only cost me $399 which is pretty amazing.
On the 4th My mum, sister and I roadtripped to the Southern Highlands (where we used to live) to pick up my sisters freaky friend (who thankfully has gotten less annoying than she used to be). While we were there we did a little shopping and had lunch. I purchased a cute Journal and for lunch I had sweet and sour honey chicken pork haha, then my sister and I went to EB games because I bought a Nintendo DSi and a heap of games from my cousin, so we both had some games we wanted to trade. For those games we both got to get a new game, I got an Adventure Time game and my sister got a Zelda game. Next on the agenda was for me to get my new laptop. I'd planned on going to the Good Guys and haggling til they gave me a laptop for the $500 I had in my possession, but the Good Guys had moved or gone completely, I don't know which. Anyway, I decided to have a look at Dick Smith and lo and behold there it was! and it was only $399 so I could put my $100 note back in my book safe where it belongs.
The drive home took FOREVER because I couldn't wait to get home and play with my new laptop. When we finally got home, however,  I turned my laptop on to find that it runs on Windows 8...which to me makes no sense, and I don't like it one bit! it's awful. But hey, at least now I have a working laptop and wi-fi. Which means I can start blogging regularly xD woo!

Also, I had Jelly and custard for dinner tonight, how rad is that? :P

Yay....ish

I FINALLY got a router yesterday, unfortunately though my laptop is now 100% completely dead D:

Whyyyyyyyyy??????

Ugh oh well iPod it is until I scrounge up enough funds to buy a new laptop.

And THEN I'll be blogging like mad! Muahahahahahahahha