One more time...with feeling!

So it's now April 2015...I said I was back October 2013....and then December 2013....But I reallyreallyreally mean it this time!

I'd give you an update but it would either be horrendously long or depressingly short given that it's been basically one and a half years.

On the upside I think I've finally decided that my blog is in fact NOT going to have a theme. I will post recipes, I will post D.I.Ys, I will post journal-like entries and I will probably post a whole heap of other random stuff.

Today I'm going to tell you all my other social media's so you can stalk me there if I am ever M.I.A again.

Instagram|Tumblr|Twitter|YouTube|Pinterest

Happy stalking my lovelies, talk again soon -xoxo

Really Back This Time!

Here's an update of what's been happening in my life in the past few months

Okay, so AGES after I said I'm back I'm finally actually back writing a good long ramble about whats been going on in the last few months.

I had another awesome week away at the beginning of October. I spent the week with my Best Bitch, we spent the week watching Supernatural, reciting it word for word because we are totally obsessed. We also ate a LOT of junk food and went shopping and of course talked into the wee hours of the morning, I hadn't seen her since I moved from Bowral to Tumut so there was a LOT of bitching to catch up on. The shopping was completely amazing! I forgot what city shopping was like, the most decent shopping where I live is in Wagga Wagga and that's an hours drive away so it was lovely being able to hop on a train and go to Macarthur Square.

Since our week together we've been writing each other letters, which I LOVE. We even sent each other early Christmas presents. I made a bag for her (I've recently taken up sewing) I was quite proud of it and she painted me a 'Jerk' painting (I gave her a 'Bitch' one a few years ago) and gave me Supernatural season 8...which my Mum had also bought me for Christmas and is going to take back and exchange for a Gossip Girl boxset for my sister and I to share.

Speaking of Christmas I am SO super duper excited for it! I have been since late November,  I sent out Christmas cards to all my penpals. The Christmas tree is up at my house and my sister and I decorated it, it looks AWESOME. We also put out our 'Douglas Fir' singing tree and I have a little simple Christmas tree on my desk in my room. My Christmas spirit is so high that I've even been watching the Christmas movies that come on TV. Plus for once my sister and I have no idea what presents we'll be getting so we're both even more excited than usual, so I don't think my Christmas spirit will be waning anytime soon.

More noteworthy things have happened I'm sure but I think I've written enough for now, my hands hurt from typing so I will write a 'Part Two' tomorrow, that is if it isn't another few months before I update again haha

I have returned

After an almost 2 month long hiatus to find that I now have over 1000 pageviews...
Am I internet famous yet? haha

But seriously, I'm back and blogging :)
YAY

A Whole Week Without Boredom!

Saturday August 10th - Saturday August 17th
My Mum, Sister and I went to visit my Nan who lives in Newcastle while my Dad was in Grafton doing a work related course. We got to go in a car provided by the company Dad works for, it was a Toyota Aurion, I'd definitely recommend that car to anyone by the way.
6 hours of each Saturday was spent on the road, I love being on the road. My sister and I were in the backseat listening to music, reading, watching Skins on my ipod and playing our DS's blah blah blah. Anyway, we got to Nan's house at about 4pm on the 10th the rest of that day was spent unpacking the car and settling in.
Sunday, I admit, was kind of boring Dad left to go to Grafton and Nan went to visit Papou (he's in a home because he has Dementia) That meant Mum, Ash and I were at Nan's house on our own, with no car, for most of the day. We just sat around eating M&Ms and reading magazines and doing find-a-words.
Monday Nan decided to have a day away from Papou to spend time with us, we went to Glendale to do some shopping...a lot of shopping, I think we wore Nan out. Nan says that my Mum was born to shop and she's never seen anyone else who can spend half an hour in a shop and come out empty handed. Nan also is mind boggled by how badly behaved my sister is whilst out shopping and how hard she is to please. While shopping at Glendale we found this Japanese shop where everything in store was $2.80 and I found some letter writing sets, something I'd been looking for for months, so I was super happy with that. I also got a bunch of other stuff but my second best purchases were a suitcase thing from the reject shop, which unbeknownst to the check-out chick had 2 smaller suitcases inside it. And some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, which I'd never seen in real life before...They are divine! After shopping we all went to Darby's and ate an immense amount of pies and sausage rolls.
Tuesday Nan visited Papou again, but this time Mum dropped her off so we could use her car. Mum then took my sister and I to Nobby's beach...Yes we went to the beach (for the first time in like 6 years I might add) in Winter, Go home Australia, you are drunk. Anyway, the beach was absolutely beautiful of course. I've always said Newcastle has the most beautiful beaches in Australia. I'd take Nobby's over Bondi any day! So my sister and I took a LOT of photos. We walked around Nobby's beach for a few hours taking photos and running away from the waves until it was time to go pick Nan up. We then went op-shopping (My Nan's favourite passtime aside from garage sale-ing) it was a lot of fun, I got a bunch of old books and the Mary Poppins soundtrack on vinyl. We went to all the op-shops in Wallsend, which is a lot compared to the 2 op-shops in my town. Tuesday made me re-consider my plans to move to Melbourne, I've started thinking maybe I want to move back to Newcastle instead.
Wednesday Mum and Nan both went to visit Papou, thankfully my sister and I were given the choice to go with them or not. There's no way I would be able to handle seeing him how he is now, so Ash and I stayed at Nan's house while they were gone. We cleaned up the room we had to share while we were there, I tried to turn the TV on but it was just far too technical for me so we went out on the back verandah and I read my book while Ash did more find-a-words. That afternoon my favourite cousin, Korey came to visit for a while. He's almost 30 and has been smoking for a few years, Mum offered him a smoke while Nan was inside, he replied with "Nah, Nan doesn't know I smoke" When Nan came out my Mum proceeded to dob Korey in for smoking. It was quite funny.
Thursday Nan had another day off visiting Papou, we went shopping again. This time we went to Jesmond and Waratah, it was a pretty epic shopping expedition. My best purchases of this day were some awesome Bras (this is a big thing, it's pretty hard to find bras that I like in my size) and in this one shop I happened upon a bunch of cheap Australian post-cards to send to my penpals, and a calligraphy set :D Thursday afternoon my cousin Josh visited, bringing with him his fiance for us to meet. In my opinion she's, as my Nan would say "Not a full quid" and a bit of a bunny boiler haha...My first impression is that I don't like her much.
Friday actually followed a similar format to Tuesday, except on Friday Mum took us to Stockton beach. We walked along the break wall and saw two enormous coal ships being tugged in to the harbour, naturally I also took a bunch of photos. After watching the ships we went down to the beach itself and collected a crazy amount of shells and some driftwood, with the intention of taking them home to make wind chimes...unfortunately we ended up forgetting them when we left Nan's house on Saturday. After we had satisfactorily combed the beach it was time to pick Nan up. That afternoon Josh visited again, this time without his ditsy fiance. Josh's stepfater, my honorary Uncle also visited and then my Nan's "Bestest Friend" also popped in for a while. It was quite a chaotic and very loud and amusing afternoon. Korey and his Mum, who is my Mum's best friend were also supposed to visit, but they didn't.

So there, that's a summary of the best week I've had in years. I was very sad to leave Newcastle and very disappointed to get home to Tumut. The trip home was really good, but I could actually feel my good mood draining away as we got closer to home. On the upside though I arrived home to 6 letters from penpals so that made me very happy again for a couple of days :)

A moot point and a perfect metaphor

Now that the 30 Day Blog Challenge is over I've got no idea what to blog about, I had an idea of what I wanted my blog to be when I started it, I wanted it to be a "Me" blog. But now I'm not sure what direction to take it in.
Should I make it like a diary where I recount my days thoughts and feelings? I'm not sure about that because I've got a paper journal where I already forget to write every day, and I'm sure no-one would care to read about my depressingly dull life.
Should I make it all about my writing and poetry? I don't think so because I'd be lucky to post one piece a month, and now with my finally having access to the internet all the time and having nothing but spare time on my hands that's just not enough.
Should I make it a health/diet/fitness type blog? I'm not sure about this either because my methods are far from healthy and I don't want to trigger anyone if they accidentally stumble across my blog.
Should I make it a foodporn/Recipe blog? But that's so cliche at the moment and there's millions of those already, the standard is far too high. I'm apprehensive about making it a fat chic fashion blog for the same reason.
Should I take it in the arty farty crafty photography-ish direction? I've got my doubts about my ability to do this also because, well my abilities in this area are mediocre at best, so while I'm passionate about all these things I would lack the "WOW" factor.
haha this blog is currently the perfect reflection of my real life. So many directions it could be going in and yet it is totally and completely directionless. But on the upside it's easy to make my blog a mixture of all of the aforementioned things, going back to 'Plan A' and making it a "Me" blog...rendering this entry moot in the process. It's not so easy to do so in real life.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 30!

What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month.

This past month nothing has really changed, it all started to look up but that only lasted a week. Now it's all back to normal.

• I started to lose weight, then I started binge eating...again.
• I started exercising every day, then I gave up...again.
• I reconnected with an old friend, we haven't spoken for over a week.
• I had a glimmer of hope for a few days, now it's gone.
• I started a course at TAFE that I thought would be really cool, it's not.
• I finished my old journal, I've got a new one now.
• I have a new computer.
• My itunes is OCD compliant now.

For the next month I hope that I can get back on track with losing weight, I hope I can do it by eating right and exercising, I hope I do get obsessed, at least then I'll be able to stick to it again. I hope that when I get back from Newcastle it will be with a new camera and to a pile of penpal letters. I hope I can sell my bass guitar. I hope I get a job and I hope that now that I've stuck with doing this blog challenge thing for 30 days I'll be able to stick with more things in life without giving up when it gets hard or I get bored.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 29

A picture of yourself.

.
This is me...well me trying to make me not look as ugly as I really am. This photo is my most recent 'selfie' and is currently my display pic or profile pic or whatever on Facebook, Tagged, Instagram and the tumblr account I've recently created for my photography. It will remain so until the next time I take a photo I almost like.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 28

The month you were happiest this year why.

Umm...This one I guess, August, The 8th month. Because it's only 3 days old and there's been almost no negativity... yet. This year, last year and the year before have been exceptionally crappy. Some good things have happened, but as a whole, they've been crap. Lol, I'm such a pessimist.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 27

Talk about your siblings.

I have one little sister, her name is Ashleigh and she's 15, but I call her 12 to annoy her. I do lots of things just to annoy her because I think she's really funny, especially when shes annoyed. She loves music, taught herself to play guitar and keyboard and tries to sing (she's not very good at that) She's totally crazy and cares WAY too much about people. She and I have a lot of fun together being crazy and silly and laughing our heads off, usually at nothing much. She also paints a lot but her art really doesn't have any meaning or anything, she mostly just blots bits of paint in different colours here and there. Occasionally she will put words on her paint splotches. She tries to dance too, but she's about as good at that as singing. Also she's a kind of bookworm, not as much as me and mum because she is way too addicted to the internet, but a little bit of reading is better than none. She was a late blooming kind of bookworm. Another funny thing about her is she thinks she's all smart and a spelling champ and grammar nazi but not too long ago she put up a facebook status about her 'swallon toe' not swollen, swallon. She also says she's a potterhead but told me Harry Potter was dumb and she hated it until she was a tween and she still hasn't read the last 10 chapters of the Deathly Hallows. That's about all I can think of to write about her for now, so there you have it, a brief history of Ashleigh.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 26

Your religious beliefs.

To each their own, but honestly I'm not big on religion. Personally, I think it's all made up and only really stupid people actually believe in 'God' or 'Jesus' or whatever. I really could go on and on and on about how dumb I think religion and church and most of the people who are into that stuff are but I'm not going to.
My beliefs are: I believe in things that I can see, or see hard proof of and as far as a 'Higher Power' goes, the only one I believe in is nature.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 25

10 ways to win your heart.

1. Be cute. (that doesn't mean you have to be conventionally attractive)
2. Use proper spelling when typing or writing to me and proper pronunciation when talking to me.
3. Make me smile and laugh.
4. Don't give up on me.
5. Like reading books.
6. Be obsessed with at least one thing I'm equally obsessed with.
7. Be open minded.
8. Share things with me, be they emotional loads, secrets, or your dinner.
9. Be honest, no matter what.
10. Be there for me, especially when I'm at rock bottom.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 24

Things you want to say to 5 different people.

Mum: It's not your fault that I am the way I am, you haven't failed as a parent. You're amazing and wonderful and beautiful and I appreciate everything you do for me. I love you so much.

Ashleigh: You are my best friend, you are the reason I can manage hold myself together, you are the reason I've not given up on life completely. I couldn't imagine life without you. The only reason I put you down is because I'm jealous, you're the best little sister ever.

Andrew: I love you and I'm sorry, apart from my family you've been the only other constant in my life and I hope you never go away no matter how much my crush freaks you out. I don't understand how you could possibly still be single but I do hope you find the right one for you, even if that's not me. You are awesome and you're an amazing person.

Katelyn: I am so glad I have your friendship, I honestly don't know what I'd do without it. I used to be so vain before I met you, I was reluctant to befriend you because I used to care too much what others thought, but that was so insanely stupid because you are one of the best people I've ever met. You bring out the best in me and you accept the worst in me as well. I trust you wholly, which is something I don't do lightly. Not to mention of all the people in the highlands you are the only one who made an effort and kept in touch with me. Also, your birthday and Christmas cards are the best. Jerk <3 Bitch Supernatural Quoters Association for life.

And now that I'm up to the fifth one I cannot decide on one, I struggled to think of the first four and now my mind is swirling with possibilities for the fifth, I seriously can't decide so I'm going to leave it at the four, while making this note so you don't think I can't count.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 23

Something you always think “what if…” about

Aside from what if Peter Pettigrew hadn't escaped in The Prisoner of Azkaban?

There was this girl I fell in love with when I was 15, and the week before she found out I was in love with her she'd gotten a boyfriend. I still to this day think "what if I'd told her I wanted to be more than friends earlier?".

I also think "what if I had never gotten so fat?" and "what if I'd gotten my L's when I was 16?" I can't help thinking my life would be a thousand times better if I were thin and had my drivers P's when I was 17 instead of still being on my L's at 19.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 22

10 things about you people don’t really expect.

1- I have no friends.

2- I'm horribly depressed and somewhat suicidal.

3- I'm a virgin.

4- I still have a "secret diary"

5- I like girls more than I like boys.

6- I actually am quite girly.

7- I read vogue.

8- I really don't mind being approached.

9- I hate having big boobs.

10- I care.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 21

Something you can't seem to get over.

Everything haha.

Seriously though, everything that was wrong when I was 15 is still the same now, if not worse. I thought everything would magically go away when I turned 18 and became an adult, but here I am at 19 no more emotionally mature than I was back then. I thought that the depression and self harm and wanting to do anything to become thin was all a normal teenage thing that everyone went through, like a phase. That's what everybody says "It'll all get better" but it's not getting better, it's getting so much worse.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 20

The last argument you had.

Well I don't really argue with people on the internet, and that's where I get 99% of my conversation, so no doubt it was something trivial. I think it was with that friend I mentioned a few posts ago, I call him cute, because he is and also because he doesn't like it and I'm immature as all hell so I also do it to annoy him. He always protests and refuses to admit his cuteness. So that was most likely my last argument. Not that it really qualifies as an argument haha

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 19

Something that never fails to make you feel better.

There's really no fail safe thing, not one thing makes me feel better 100% of the time. Music makes me feel better a lot of the time, particularly Metallica and Bullet For My Valentine, but the success rate is probably somewhere around 60%. Shopping usually makes me feel better. They don't call it retail therapy for nothing, but often when I'm out I feel extremely self conscious after I've seen myself reflected in a shop window, and then there's the buyers remorse that can manifest afterwards. I'd say shoppings success rate is roughly 70%. The thing that makes me feel the best is to stay precisely in my comfort zone (my room, my bed) curled up with a good book, watching a movie or something else distracting, even better if my candles are lit or my fairy lights are on. Then just going to sleep, 9 times out of 10 I'll feel much better when I've woken up, that's a 90% success rate. Of course there's always those times I have an amazing and realistic dream and wake up feeling extremely disappointed and just as depressed as before I went to sleep. That sucks hard.

But really, the best thing for it is just to put on your mask, hope there's no cracks in it and just keep on pretending everything is A-Okay.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 18

Disrespecting parents.

Kids and teenagers that disrespect their parents deserve to have all their technology taken away and a smack with the wooden spoon for good measure. But then if the parents had raised their kids right the kids wouldn't disrespect them. It's a double edged sword really.

Good Parents=Good Kids

Bad Parents/Pushover/Doormat Parents=Disrespectful Kids

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 17

Things that make you scared.

Spiders

Nauseous people

Vomit 

Horror Movies (if they're done right) 

The future

My personal insignificance

That my loved ones will die one day

Having to go out in public '

Being late

Having to make phonecalls 

and above all, Falling in Love.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 16

3 things you are proud of about your personality

Well, I don't like myself very much at all...so this is going to be really hard...

I guess
1- I'm very honest, but other people tend not to like that.
2- I'm crazy loyal, but other people don't notice or give a shit about that.
3- I learn things pretty quickly, and I can spell :)