More Angst, Poetic Angst This Time...With a Twilight Reference LOL

    love? hate?    21/08/09
    
You didn't help me as much as you think you did.
Once you helped me.
Of the many times you tried.

But remember if not for you, I wouldn't be like i am now.
You are the reason i hurt so much.
Anytime I see you,
Hear you,
Or am reminded of you.

I am like Bella Swan, you are my Edward.
Only instead of my Edward leaving me,
I was the one to leave you.

I clutch at my ribcage,
Trying to hold myself together,
So I don't fall apart.

It hurts so much that I sit there,
Alone.
Wailing to myself.
The tears flowing.
My whole self heaving with the sobs.

Still I put on the brave face.
The mask that hides the truth,
The hard shell that protects my soft insides.

I pretend that its easy,
I lie.
To myself, to my friends, to my family.
I lie.
Until I start to believe it.
I lie.

This seems a love hate relationship,
I love you?
I hate you?
You love me?
You hate me?

The Swandive

This is a poem I wrote when I was about 15, I was horribly depressed at the time, which I'm sure will be evident haha.

 
With nothing but a heavy heart to weigh me down
I plummet into the icy water, I drown.
What awaits me in the afterlife?
Will it be pleasurable? or am I in strife?
I was a good person 'til I died,
To my partner I never lied,
To be faithful I did always try,
I never would make her cry,
until now I suppose...
a state of shock I will impose
From her the tears will flow.
But I shall never know,
the hurt I have brought upon the ones I love.
but I will watch them from up above,
Unless I'm thrown out of the gates,
in which case hellfire awaits.
but I will be ready
in satans face I'll keep my voice steady.
I'll let him know what I'm all about,
right in his face I will shout
That I will be the one to contradict him,
and let him rip me limb from limb,
Because not even that could be as painful
as the life I lead, always shameful.
so with this death I will subdue,
the searing pain, death will rip through
and make it all better. That's my wish.
I know when im gone they will talk, call me selfish
But tell me, what would you do in this position?
would you, could you ignore deaths wonderful proposition?
Or would you continue on living?
Just giving and giving.
Waiting for your time to come.
Why? when you can be comfortably numb.