Probably not right? But I'm going to post it anyway. I found this on my blog on Bebo LOL 'nuff said.
There isn't even any punctuation *facepalm*
a response. (probably doesnt make sense, written in frustration) 21/08/09
a clean break, thats what i was trying for before
you have got to realise this is not about you its for me.
see truth is i have been lying to myself telling myself i hate you
i still love you
its been nagging at the back of my mind i almost had it shut out
for weeks, months of telling myself and my friends im over you
lying.
i needed to get away from you to stop destroying myself thats what my feelings for you do.
its been a year now that i have been like this
in pain, suffering because i know we would never be.
i try to tell myself its no use thinking.... what if? but i cant help but dwell on it
last night i read your last post and that wound that was almost healed burst back open again.
bleeding with posibilities
and aching with realisation that in truth i never healed
and i never will.
last night my memories of you the best yet most painful memories i have.
drowned me in their flood
and now i sit here trying to get the message out that now i dont know whats best.
do i keep along the path i was paving before?
or do i turn back?
im sure the pain will ease again with time.
but what about all those opportunities i could miss out on?
and what am i supposed to tell my family and friends i lied to?
what will they think of me when they find out that small passage was the thing that broke me?
if i turn back how will i be assured things will be different?
how will i know things will go back to how they were before?
could it happen?
would i let it happen?
i have changed so much already its too late for me to revert back to old ways.
and even if i could im not so sure i would.
i can see very few ways to come out of this both as happy as is possible for us to be
and none seem plausible :(
my head and heart are now so confused and i dont know which to listen to.
No comments:
Post a Comment